Awakening the Goddess Within

I am pleased to share my newest poem, Awakening the Goddess Within.  The YouTube link takes you to the video with images and my voice recording. Please check it out and subscribe to my YouTube Channel for more original content.

I’ve hated my poor body for as long as I can think

I stared into this mirror wishing my fat would shrink

Diets upon diets, but they just called me fat

Until I started starving, feeling strong though I was weak

I’d jam my fingers down my aching throat

Retch burns as it burst forth

Sobbing in the toilet

Too sick to see my worth

Retching until bleeding and losing clumps of hair

But still it begged the question:

Is this life worth more than death?

I couldn’t stand to see me naked

Slivered silver stretch marked flesh

All I saw were rolls and numbers, shadowing the love

I tortured this poor body

With cuts, with men, with hate

Smiling when I’m starving

Puking when I ate

They insisted I must lose it

But all I heard was hate

I sacrificed my mind

My smiles

And my time

When they said to lose it, I sacrificed myself

When they said to lose it, there was no thought for health

Slivered silver knife wounds slice

Torturing the pounds and sense of self

For the sweetness of changing scales

Irrelevant extras vs larges

Even though I am no fool

If they want you to feel sexy, I could be a 12

But just two racks over, 18 and purging hell

The hatred coursed inside of me

A black beast upon my soul

I found those who could feed me

The pain I craved to know

If you were fool enough to love me,

I’d be sure to make you change

I love you could never fulfill me

When I hate you is what I crave

It wasn’t until I started seeing

The goddess here inside

Standing naked and resplendent

A Venus in her shell

Aphrodite’s tears are blood red

As so many of us know

They tell you you’re unworthy

They tell you to lose those pounds

They tell you that some makeup

Is the cure to all your frowns

They tell you to win the guy now

They tell you to keep him close

They tell you all the ways to hate you

Because they want you on your toes

You need to consume their fixes

Unworthy little hoes

It wasn’t until I saw the sacred

Silver slivers of a tiger

Who’s been to war in me

The scarred skin of a soldier

When the treaty begged for peace

This body has created life now

My body nurtured four

They just sat in judgement

Some called me a fucking whore

Because I just can’t win here

And I no longer care

I’m not here to please them

And I won’t make my heaven hell

I came play and love here

Because I am the goddess inside

I am naked in the moonlight

Silver slivers of my soul

Transcendence of Selene,

Transforming silver into gold

I am one with love and nurture

I am nature’s warrior soul

I’m in love with crown to root here

I cannot please them worth a damn

They say to hide away here

So I flay my soul more bare

I shine brightest in my darkness

Because I won the war in me here

And I no longer have a care

Enjoying my work? Is it resonating? Check out my other poem, Synchronicity. Please share, and connect with me across Social media via the below links:

Daina (OurBeautifulLies)- WordPress, My personal FB, OBL Blog Page on Facebook, Twitter, InstagramYouTube Channel

Creativity and Anxiety

I’ve loved writing poetry since I was a teenager. I remember my parents sent me to a poetry workshop in elementary school and I was so excited to read my poems out loud. They told me I had a gift, and I didn’t really believe them. I only recently started writing poems again, and even then I struggle with telling myself I’m not good or whatever. It’s resistance from me to me. I get random inspiration constantly, and I can usually write a poem in less than 20 minutes. But I fight myself.

I am finally coming to understand how art works. If my focus is on me and my problems, I’m wasting my creative expression with creative oppression. The creativity is the same: i am either inventing a story about my life or I’m writing a story or a poem or whatever. I read somewhere anxiety is repressed creativity. Art lying inside of you that cannot come out so it creates anxiety.

This is what I do know: the more I have accepted myself, my life, my problems, and my successes, the more often I get random bits of poems that need to come together. This poem here is clearly about an ex and it was built around the line “your love is like rainbow sprinkles and I’m starving for a feast.”

The only way I know to connect with my heart and intuition is to take these bits and paint them into poetry and let whatever happen happen. The only way that happens is when I stop focusing on my bullshit stories and stare at the sky, or a tree, or meditate. Then I stop squandering creativity by inventing worst case scenarios and projection.

When you were a little kid, there was something you loved. Maybe it was singing, maybe it was writing, maybe it was coloring. It doesn’t matter. Find it again and give yourself time and space to do it. The changes that come from connecting with your creativity and inner child… it’s nothing short of magic.

Beautiful Lies – Fine White

Once Upon a Dream

I had a dream

Where two became one

Before I made Work

Of what once was fun

Where miles of walls

Stagnation, guilt, doubt

Blinked away like my tears

For I stripped my armor

Of my limiting fears, let go

I’ll be vulnerable

To you like a doe

I’ll give you all

I have and do not

I see you infinitely

In dreams and without

My eyes tell the story

In the beating of hearts

Where two live as one

Though my mouth could not

I see the day

Where I hear your heart

Pressed against my lips

Where I’m never without

I’ve never believed

Dreams don’t come true

I don’t believe in a world

Without you

So look in my eyes

And tell me again

That’s the end of infinity

And call me your friend

Copyright DAF, 2017

Sharing welcomed – credit must be given to original author

A Hole Inside the Whole

There was a time

When I Love You

Meant everything

To me

In the blue ocean,

Of your perfect eyes

I drowned in

Salty sweet tears

I felt my heart

Beat the first time

When us became I

I felt my breath

In wasted winds

Of words

With no follow through

How could I know

My I Love You

Came with a closed fist?

Choking and punching

While my razor tongue

Licks your wrist

How can I say

I’m sorry to you

When I chewed off my tongue

In the teeth of my lies

My lips have dissolved

In acidic kisses

Of unrequited wishes

Lost in projection

A delusional reflection

Of the thoughts of a mind

A vacuous Black Hole

You were the light

Shining the darkness

In the shadows of my soul

You were the mirror

I shattered again

In the endless blow by blow

You’ve been deaf

To my cries

As I was blind

In your eyes

You’ve become a frozen wall

Of snow

But in the blackness

The tundra in I

I saw the rainbow

Maybe I Love You

Was my closed fist

Hiding a universe

In a heart

Cracked in gold

In a new mirror

I stare in my blue ocean

My perfect eyes

Saying no thing

To no one

My tongue caresses

new lips of roses

With no change

Except the whole