So, one of my favorite bloggers – JokersWild – here on this pressing word site told me to answer some questions. Seeing as I am a cup of joe in on a lazy Sunday morning, let’s see how many giggles I can give myself. (If you laugh too, that’s great, but really, I’m here for me :P) Here are his responses
And now, here are mine:
What are you currently wearing?
- So, I fell asleep in my clothes last night. You can call me lazy, slightly intoxicated, or overly exhausted mom. All apply. I’m currently wearing a thick cable knit black sweater with black leggings. I also am rocking a mild afro, because my curls can’t be tamed by any product known to man…All of my ensemble is now wrinkly and slept in, but damn is it cozy
- Upon further reflection, I didn’t have to admit I fell asleep in my clothes…but the cat is out of the bag.
Have you ever been in love? 🤔.
- I have been in love more times than I can count. Yet, if I might get a little on the deep side: in the past, I have erroneously viewed love as something tangible…transaction like even. “I love you” should merit “I love you too” But…isn’t that idiotic of all of us? Regardless of religious or spiritual beliefs, we all inately seem to hold a notion that we are beings made in the image of god, stardust, energy, love, whatever. My point is: If I am love, then I am always “in” love, or more accurately “Of” love. Like a wave is of or in the ocean, the words are relatively irrelevant.
- This paragraph is a result of years of introspection, research, and “what the actual fucker-y” as related to my “love” life, which sucks more than a Dyson. It sucked because I did not understand love – for myself or another. So, my love became dependent and needy, in the sense I looked to another for happiness. I confused being “in love” with being “happy” which is another gross mistake. So, I am currently of love, in love with me and anyone who comes into my path. If some of those loves tend to walk beside me, I am grateful for the companionship. I look forward to connecting with someone who gets it, because I am very very tired of being a possessed noun.
- See all those words? That’s a REALLY eloquent way of saying: I am as single as a one dolla bill hahahahahahaahahahahaha
Ever had a terrible break up?
- Oh man, have I. My marriage ended in a fist fight, so there’s that. Yet, amazingly, my ex husband is (as he’s always been) my best friend because the past is an illusion we cling to to avoid the present and happiness.
- After my husband, I became “in love” with a dude who I became obsessed with and kind of became a stalker and totally made an ass of myself, hence the realization of the above.
- So grateful for all my bad/good relationships, how else would I have figured out I gotta love me first 😀 My ex’s have all been wonderful gurus to help me find the best damn guru on this blue and green orb – ME!
How old are you?
- I am 35 going on 80
How tall are you?
- I am 5’5″ which means I am tall enough to trip over my pants, but petite clothes are too short, and the top shelves of cabinets are a mysterious land to which I will never lay my eyes on…
How much do you weigh?
- I’m going to guess somewhere in the 230’s presently. Thanks to 20+ years of eating disorders, I avoid scales because if I measure myself in numbers, I’ll go crazy(ier)… I have gained so much weight in the last year with stress/emotional eating, that I woke up and realized I had to get my ass back to yoga and stop eating everything or I will put myself right back in old self-destructive cycles.
- I could be all sad about the weight gain, but now I have a butt. I never had a butt before, more like a vague suggestion of a butt, or perhaps the bottom of my back got into a fight and decided it was time to go their separate ways… Now, I have a butt. It’s there, I can feel it, and I admire it a lot.
- This was supposed to be TMI, so I’m going there. Seriously, I look at my butt in the mirror all the time, I say hello…I got a thing for butts – my old blog was “MahButtItches” and my self fulfilling prophecy 2 years ago was “The Butt will Grow” I should have been more specific that “the rest of me will not”
Do you have any piercings?
- Yep – I have 6 on one ear and 5 on the other. I also have a nose ring. Until it eroded my gums, I had a tongue ring as well. I am currently itching to pierce my tongue again as well as snake bites, but I doubt I’ll do it. Because I want more tattoos. Also, I can’t shake the notion I’m kind of old for impulse piercings…impulse tattoos on the other hand….
What’s your favourite drink?
- When I’m being “healthy”, water with lemon or oranges or cucumber or strawberries or whatever. Produce water.
- In the realm of alcohol, I am an avid IPA nut (which according to research, makes me a psychopath, so watch yourself), I love mojitos too, and margaritas…I tend to avoid liquor now because I end up drunk, naked, and occasionally howling at the moon on a roof…or puking in a car, or puking anywhere…LOOOTS of puking. Actually, I just stay away from Vodka…it’s just bad news bears.
What’s you favourite song?
- Oh my god, that’s like asking me what my favorite strand of hair is…there’s so many…. Not hair, songs, that was a terrible analogy, but it’s already typed and I refuse to delete!
- Um… I think in the present,
- Til It’s Gone – Yelawolf
- How I Feel – Wax Tailor
- Dreams – Nuages
- Feel Good, Inc – Metal Cover by Leo Moracchioli
What’s your zodiac sign?
How long does it take you to shower?
- If I’m running late, as usual – 5-10 minutes
- If I have time, I can be in there 45 minutes…well, probably more bath that way, I love baths. I dump all sorts of good smelly shit in there (shit being of the colloquial sense, I do not bathe in feces) and I soak my troubles away
What’s your favourite show?
- I finished Sons of Anarchy not that long ago, and I am still in love with Jax Teller… #whyIAmSingle – I am in fictional relationships with fictional characters OR vocalists of assorted bands…Just call me Mrs. Maynard James Keenan, if you will…
What’s your favourite band?
- You know…this has made me realize how useless the word favourite is…”too many to count” would really suggest I do not have a favorite, in that there are so many I love equally? I don’t know, just seems a useless word. Or at least, for me. I guess I do not have a favorite, but here’s an insane amount of bands:
- TOOL, A Perfect Circle, Puscifer, Stone Sour, Slipknot, Avenged Sevenfold, Mudvayne, Portishead/Beth Gibbons, Coheed & Cambria, Notorious B.I.G, WuTang Clan, Eminem, Katy Perry, Machinehead, Trivium, Elvis Costello, David Bowie, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Fleetwood Mac, Joni Mitchell, Janis Joplin, King 810, holy fuck I sound nuts hahahahahahahahaha
- Independent Artists (making this separate because I really want to emphasize artists changing the paradigm of music…although Puscifer is the same, but I’m babbling): Widetrack , L.A.W (Love All Ways), Leo Moracchioli – Frog Leap Studios
- how about this: I love everything music except country. Hard, hard pass on country. I just can’t even.
Where do you go when you’re sad?
- I go to my therapist, her name is music. I play songs that echo my emotions so I can feel, accept, and release. Then, like my mind, I change the track and move on.
- Sometimes, if things are really tough, I go to my other therapist, my car. I play music and I drive for hours to nowhere. As the scenes change before my eyes, I can let the scenes change inside as well.
- Shanteel Yoga Sanctuary where my breath and movement can cultivate my true nature: calm in the storm.
- My Journal or blog to give voice to whatever needs a voice.
How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
- Ha, how presumptive, you think I get ready in the morning…
- Seeing as I tend to wander the earth in my pajams (unless I sleep in my clothes), there is never really “getting ready”. You could call this lazy, I would call it perpetually prepared.
- That’s a lie, I call it lazy too. AND might I add, comfortable 😉
Have you ever been in a physical fight?
- Yes..I used to be pretty violent. My walls lost a lot.
What turns you on?
- People who can introduce new perspectives, HUMOR (that should be first, oh well, we’re not deleting here), people who aren’t afraid or ashamed of their scars/bullshit/crazy/whatever, authenticity
- Neck kisses/bites
- Did I say funny? Funny people. Funny people are the best. I wish I was funny 😛
What turns you off?
- Idiots, Stupidity, Ignorance, SMALL TALK (EW), disrespect… actually take everything I said above and make it opposite. there you go.
Qualities you look for in a partner?
- Hmm…seeing as necrophilia is wholly frowned upon, I will go with a pulse and respiration.
Loud or soft music?
- Loud baby, if it’s too loud, you’re too old…unless it gets too loud, in which case, I’d prefer soft. It really just depends on how I am using the music. If I’m driving? Sunny day? Windows down and blast that good shit.
- “No one is more dangerously insane then one who is sane all of the time” ~Alan Watts (AKA my dead philosopher husband…#WhyIAmSingle)
- If you followed my blog MahButtItches, you will know this answer very clearly would be Jeff Goldblum.
- Also: Sir Anthony Hopkins, Jonny Depp, Mike Myers, Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Omg, whatever, all of them…
Do you have any fears?
- My only fear is not having lived before I die. Seeing as I am dying every moment I’m living, I suppose I am deathly afraid of spiders, and weird creepy crawly things, and small rodents and whatnot. I just don’t need to be surprised by something in my mouth or bed or whatever that I wasn’t expecting.
- That sounds SO dirty. No delete. Also accurate. I don’t think I’d appreciate waking up with a random penis in my mouth either. Buy me dinner first, sheesh.
What’s the last thing that made you cry?
- I just finished reading The Book of Joy, and reading the Tibetan children describing leaving their families behind to journey to India…I’m going to start crying now. There was this one little boy talking about saying goodbye to his Mother…these kids are 5…his father brought him to India and said he would be right back and he never saw him again. Can you imagine?
- I also weirdly teared up during Thor: Ragnarok last night when Thor was talking to Sir Anthony Hopkins as Odin and he was saying how Thor is stronger than him…
- If you think that’s weird, I sobbed, and I mean SOBBED when King Kong died..
- I’m vewwwy speshul
Last time you said you loved someone?
- 5 minutes ago when I said goodbye to my friend
- Then I kissed my wee man and told him I love him too.
- Aww fuck it, whoever you are reading this: I love you too
Last book you read?
- The Book of Joy – Dalai Lama, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, and Douglas Abrams
The book you’re currently reading?
- Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion by Sam Harris
- The Yamas & Niyamas – Deborah Adele
- The Bhagavad Gita – (actually just bought Ram Dass’ version because I wanted to see his thoughts on this…previously I’ve been reading a passage at a time and letting it marinate, but his is called Paths to God Living the Bhagavad Gita)
- The Dhammapada (kind of same as Bhagavad Gita, I’m reading a passage every so often and letting it marinate
- A Course in Miracles
Last show you watched?
- I guess Sons of Anarchy, oh and Last Week Tonight – it’s like the only show I actually watch with regularity until Westworld FINALLY comes back and of course Game of Thrones
Last place you were?
- I was at this super awesome adorable wonderful cafe – Down To Earth Cafe – all local/organic food, amazing coffee, it’s just so cool. I have a Sunday Breakfast/Brunch date there with my soul sistah who is going to be joining me on this writing journey as an author on this here blog, so woot! That’s what we were nomming and talking over today.
Last sport you played?
- Does yoga count as a sport? If not, I have no frigging clue. Probably mini golf. Is that a sport?
Who’s the last person you talked to?
My wee man – which I mean, my youngest son, not some sort of dirty double entendre or anything.
The last song I sang?
- I was just belting out “What’s Up” by 4 Non Blondes, but covered by Leo Moracchioli. Prior to that was I’m Too Sexy…
Favorite chat up line?
- WTF is a chat up line? I talk to people on Facebook Messenger and text a lot. I have snapchat, I use it randomly.
Do you have a crush?
- Uhh…. I would love to have an Orange Crush right about now.
The relationship between you and the person you last texted?
- My soul Sistah!
- See again with the favorite thing. All the foods. Except the foods I don’t like.
- Italian especially
- Although I can’t forget Sushi
- Omg and Indian – ALL THE KORMAS
- I’m hungry now
Place you want to visit?
- It would probably be easier to say where I do not want to visit and that would be an uncleaned port-a-potty. Ugh.
What’s the last time you kissed someone?
- I kiss my children on the daily, yo
- I think this was meant to be more scintillating, and in that case, I don’t know, probably a couple weeks ago? Maybe?
Last time you were insulted?
- Uhh…probably same timeline as above. We are all shittalkers, yo. Some of us are more honest/verbal….
- All of the sweets – except cake. I’m not much of a cake person, I don’t know why. Unless it’s rum cake, because that is delicious.
What instruments do you play?
- I am an avid skin flutist
- I’m just kidding
Favourite piece of jewellery?
- I wear a mala pretty frequently, when I don’t forget to put it on.
Last time you hung out with anyone?
- This morning, cause i’m super popular and cool and whatnot
- Who should answer these questions?